I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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