I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
