you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
