sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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