apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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