I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
