I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
this will be a night to untag.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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