i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
