New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize