Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In other news, I just burned my penis
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
