I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
