clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
