If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
