her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
