Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
