Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
