dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
