my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
