if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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