i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
