"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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