The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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