So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
