dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
