READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
