I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
