not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
