Sponge bath it is.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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