dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
