He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
