Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
