He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
