hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
