naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
