He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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