Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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