Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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