before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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