what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
