Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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