this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
