I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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