Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
