i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
