May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
