THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
