Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
