Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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