i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
