I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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